I wannas sexs uuuuu
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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