she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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