apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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