Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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