how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
