he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm sobbing to NWA
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
