what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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