Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I wish there were birth control emojis
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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