he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
