and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
