Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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