I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
