Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
