Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
