He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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