therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Your dad touched me again.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Holy shit dude........stairs
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
