I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
