Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My vagina is officially offended.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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