Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
