Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize