i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
