I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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