I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
