Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
