I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
