forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
