She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
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Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
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The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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