fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
