You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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