but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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