fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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