We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
