Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
