I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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