he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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