you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
