Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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