The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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