Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize