I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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