his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize