I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
