Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
