No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
