I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Who put my cat in the fridge?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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