I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
