Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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