I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My vagina just recognized that song.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
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I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
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I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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