You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
