It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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