You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
