But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Me too!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
