fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
