this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
