No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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