I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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