what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
