I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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