The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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