Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
