What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Come see our sink grown plant.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
